Who Am I Esteemed By?
John 18:36 (NIVUK)
36 Jesus said, ‘My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.’
I prayed about who I am esteemed by maybe a week or two ago and some of the things on the list of what I had allowed the world to tell me I was esteemed by included; my bank account, social media numbers, clothing, friends (the numbers not the people) and the main one that had led me to past pain was a man. I prayed and kept telling myself when I was feeling “less than” after some online window shopping or social media browsing that I am not esteemed by my wardrobe, a job, the money in my bank account, I AM ESTEEMED BY GOD.
I have believed so many lies about what esteems me it’s unreal.
Social media is one of the biggest liars that we all fall for. It tells us that the more followers we have the better we are. But honestly the more followers you have just means people like what you post and the echo chamber that you are in benefits you. But as we have seen over an over social media is not real, many social media stars have come out to tell us as much over the years. Social media does not esteem me or you.
The main issue for me personally when it comes to esteem has been men. For a long time now I have felt as though a man was how I would be esteemed or valued. And then since becoming saved like most sexual sinners who become saints, we feel as though a man is something that we need and our thoughts, actions, the devils deceit leads us to pursuing men for the wrong reasons. I am not esteemed by a man because I have gone from sinner who was not likely to be loved or get married. I am esteemed by God and if he has a man for me down the line then that’s great. But for now I need to learn who I am esteemed by (GOD) so that I do not walk into things that only lead to less self esteem.
Marriage in its proper context is great but desiring it because I was a sinner and being married will show the world that God is working in my life will only lead to more pain and not living a life of joy.
I am writing about esteem because I read a post by a young woman who I admire, she is bold and loves Jesus. Her name is Nia and this is her blog, go over there and give it a read. After watching a video that led me to writing this post, I went searching to find out if she had a blog and then I discovered that she actually has one which I was already following. BUT she hadn’t posted anything for a while so that’s why I didn’t realise that I was following her.
Reading her posts and remembering back to a video or two that I have watched reminded me of why I started this blog. It was to help other women out there who are the mirror of who I am or was. There are enough bloggers out there who go under the label of Christian, who have their own story to tell or way of preaching that they want to put out there. BUT God did not allow me to create this blog for the sake of me adding to the long list of preachers that exist. God gave me this platform because I asked him for a way in which I could share my thoughts, journey and help anyone who was seeking help from someone who has lived what they have lived. Sometimes we find it easier to keep on fighting when we hear that someone else won the fight and went on to greater things.
How does esteem tie into my blog? I started writing posts without any of the honesty that I found in my notebook or in posts that never made it past drafts. BECAUSE I didn’t want to write anything that would be received badly or would make people look at me with judgemental eyes.
My salvation story is one that I wrote in its entirety pretty much before launching the blog; I fasted (social media) and prayed about this decision I was making. But after posting it the first time I deleted it because I didn’t want to be judged or for people who know me to come across my story and then share it with judgemental mouths. I then re-posted my salvation story when I had a similar moment about what I was posting. It’s been a struggle simply because I have wanted so desperately to delete that one post and a few others. BUT I know that if I am not honest in small doses and share my story; opinions, thoughts, journey then the purpose of this blog has not been served.
Carefully crafting posts and making sure that they sound perfect and wont offend or lead to judgement is the total opposite of what God say yes to. I am not esteemed by the amount of people who follow my blog or read it. I am esteemed by God and what he has and continues to do for my life.
I am not esteemed by followers or reader and neither should you fellow Christian bloggers. Be bold and courageous when sharing your story, you never know who it will inspire and radically change.
Goodnight & God Bless.