“You Should Go And Love Yourself.”
Proverbs 4:23 (ESV)
23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
We live in a self-loveless society, a lot of us women don’t have self-worth or self-esteem and this leads us to bedrooms that we have no business being in. We then raise young women who don’t value themselves, we raise young men to devalue women and their bodies and the cycle continues. We have an opportunity to stop that cycle before we have children. Trying to tackle something that we have placed in our children whilst still living in it is difficult task – have you ever told anyone not to do something that they saw you doing? it’s not fun trust me. Moses did it and it was not enjoyable for him; Exodus 2:11.
Sorry but I am not one of those “it’s your sin Christians,” sex has no role outside of marriage apart from to gratify the flesh. If you don’t want to take my word for it, go find it for yourself in the bible.
Back to the topic at hand… I’ve been hearing these words for so long now, and each time I acknowledge their weight but don’t take them on into my life. “How can you expect others to love you, when you don’t love yourself.” We have to learn to like and love ourselves if we are going to be loved by other people, or more specifically the opposite sex who we are making homes with but without the covering of God through marriage.
This is probably going to sound like the cheesiest most cringe advice anyone could ever give you. But here goes, ladies and gents… Date Yourself!
Over the years I always thought I was comfortable doing things alone. I had myself convinced that all that I did alone meant that I could sit alone in a restaurant but when the time came I would go to McDonald’s instead because I could take the food out with me. I now realise that I wasn’t intentionally doing things alone, I was doing things alone as part of my day or as a way to kill time whilst waiting around for whatever reason.
This has also made me realise that I glamourise “ships” (friendships, relationships etc) it’s not hard to do so in this social media fuelled day. But “ships” without the friend or relation are nothing, they are just ships. I don’t actually use social media anymore but it is difficult to escape from the images that are found on Instagram; perfectly laid out plates of food, group outings, #couplegoals etc. It’s difficult not to see what effect these things have on us when we’re looking at them through rose tinted glasses. Many of these people who we look up to have so many filters applied to their images its crazy, and it’s not just the ones that you find on Instagram, it’s the smiling when in fact they are battling depression, only showing the good times and none of the bad.
It’s time to take off those rose tinted glasses. If you find yourself feeling down about your life after looking on Instagram etc. I suggest that you do some unfollowing; delete some apps from your phone if you feel the need to and just spend some time focusing on your own life. Enjoy all that you have and spend less time wishing about things that you would like, they may not be all that they are cracked up to be.
Something that I hope to implement into my life over the upcoming months and onward is dating myself. I want to intentionally date myself, every single place that I would automatically think, “oh no I can’t go there alone,” I want to make plans to go there alone. I would love to travel the world and my lack of bae and friends has stopped me from doing things that would have made a huge difference to my life. Enjoying life and all that it has to offer whilst you’re still single is the best time to do it because holidaying, eating at fancy restaurants whilst you’re trying to pay off a mortgage or take care of a growing family is hard work. Start enjoying your life when it’s just you because life is different when you have responsibilities.
Always remember that life is a process, you probably will start to feel comfortable in your singleness and a guy or girl comes into your life (it might not be the one, but s/he will come a-knocking.) Enjoy your singleness, learn to love yourself and to enjoy your company.
You can not help anyone out there if you can’t stand to be around yourself.
Solo Date Suggestions;
*Got to a restaurant that you have always wanted to go to.
*Visit a city that you have always wanted to visit.
*Go to the cinema alone. This one isn’t too hard people do this a lot.
*Search your city or surrounding cities to find somewhere you have never been before.
*Travel alone. The more romantic the destination the better, work up to this one.
*Do an activity that you would normally do with friends on your own.
*Go to a popular restaurant on your own during peak times.
Happy Self Love Journey. I hope you get to the other side loving who God made you.
Some Useful Video Resources:
The Heather Lindsey Show – Heather speaks to some single people.