I’ve Lost Sight Of Why I Am Doing This.
2 Timothy 4:7-8 (ESV)
7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.
When I started this blog, I did not want to start one. When I started thinking about creating a blog I knew what I wanted this blog to be about even though I didn’t want to start one but since then I have gotten lost in the
rat-blog-race. I knew that I needed somewhere to share my thoughts, story and advice with anyone who was just like me. I knew that my story was one that a lot of young women live all over the world and I didn’t want anyone else to go down the same roads that I went down.
God didn’t give me this platform for me to do what other people are already doing.
Since creating this blog I have gotten caught up in what the rest of the world is doing, I have become so focused on writing a really good post that will be read and receive likes etc. but I have lost sight of why God allowed me to go down this path. This blog is not for me, it is for anyone else out there who needs someone or somewhere to turn to for guidance and help maneuvering through some of the more difficult situations in life / those that are not necessarily talked about publicly within the Christian community.
My fears of sharing some parts of my story have gotten in the way of why God gave me this platform.
Before I started this blog I dedicated this blog to the Lord, I went as far as trying to fast for the purpose of this blog. I didn’t want to go into this without God’s approval. I wrote out a few posts that I later deleted or didn’t upload at all because I feared what would happen if people –Christian and non Christian alike– found my blog, read it and knew just how horrendous my past had been. Since those early posts and getting caught up in numbers I have begun to carefully construct my posts and have found myself writing posts that have nothing to do with the foundations of this blog.
My biggest issue in life is acceptance and rejection. I have been rejected in so many situations in my life and that has left a big hole within me. (God is trying to fill it.) I always find myself trying to fit in, trying to be like everyone else instead of being proud of all the things that make me uniquely me. I allowed that mentality of trying to fit in to dictate what I wrote on this blog, I became very religious, very quickly. Which is the total opposite of why I wanted to have a blog in the first place. I didn’t want a blog that would be extremely “churchy or preachy” because there are plenty of pastors out there in the world.
I am not called to ministry in that capacity, I am called to do what I have always been good at and that is advising people, encouraging people and trying to help others navigate life. I am called to be me!
Time to get back to the true purpose of this blog. If any of my posts become acceptance filled and fear lead. PLEASE TELL ME. Thanks.